→ Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?
→ Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
→ How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!
→ ***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for £1
... No Strings attached
...but for a limited period ONLY!
...A bloody good deal!
→ Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H
→ FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.
→ Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.
→ Press down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh yes....almost there....oh god harder..faster..FEELS GOOD...oh goddd!...That's how I sex on text!
→ Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person -
Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!
→ I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!
→ Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
→ HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?
→ This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you
→ Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
→ A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone
→ Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
→ I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok!
→ Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
→ Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
→ Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
→ I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
→ How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.
→ Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...
→ U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong number...SORRY :)
→ I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!
→ On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.
→ The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
→ Nope.....u still ugly!
→ Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.
→ What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.
→ Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'
→ Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries - I sure science will come up with somin to help u.
→ I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.
→ How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.
→ How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!
→ It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
→ Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!
→ I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
→ You are here: X
→ Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me c**k, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block.
→ In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy.
→ Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
→ Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole!
→ Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
→ Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.
→ What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start anything.
→ Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
→ Bud, what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime i get operator sayin 'Sorry, The Subscriber U R Calling is having Sex, Please try again later.'
→ Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick"
Boss asks: "How sick are u?"
Bloke: "I'm F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???"
→ Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!
→ Roses are red, Pickles are green, I like ur legs and all that's between!
→ I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS!
→ Hey, there is Hot-sex, Group-sex, safe-sex, phone-sex, speedy-sex, crazy-sex and for people wid ur face - NO SEX!
→ When an apple is green, it's ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen she's ready to ..WOOPS...wrong number....
→ U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!
→ Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.
→ Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
→ Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.
→ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
→ If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
→ I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.
→ The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
→ There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
→ Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
→ You may be recognized soon. Hide.
→ Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
→ He who laughs last thinks slowest.
→ Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
→ I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
→ Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???
→ Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
→ If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
→ You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
→ My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
→ If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me
→ Mind intentionally left blank...
→ I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem
→ Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
→ Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
→ If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
→ Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.
→ If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
→ The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
→ It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.
→ Born Free........Taxed to Death.
→ We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching...searching...still searching...sorry NO BRAIN found
→ I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.
→ Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
→ My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.
→ Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain...leaving now...
→ Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
→ What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
→ Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
→ Celibacy is not hereditary
→ Familiarity breeds children
→ Life is sexually transmitted
→ We do precision guesswork
→ Born free . . . Taxed to death
→ If it's too loud, you're too old
→ Common sense isn't common
→ Nothing succeeds like excess
→ Do pilots take crash-courses?
→ If it ain't broke, fix it until it is
→ The older I get, the older old is
→ Relax, its only Ones and Zeros
→ A closed mouth gathers no feet
→ Do witches run spell checkers?
→ I don't get even . . . . . I get odder
→ Allow me to introduce my selves
→ A feature is a bug with seniority
→ If I throw a stick, will you leave?
→ Justice: A decision in your favor
→ Strip mining prevents forest fires
→ A waist is a terrible thing to mind
→ Do not disturb. Already disturbed
→ Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
→ Today's subliminal message is . . .
→ Demons are a Ghouls best Friend
→ Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
→ Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
→ Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
→ I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
→ Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
→ Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
→ First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
→ Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
→ Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.
→ Bad sex is better then a good day in school.
→ Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
→ Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
→ Fuck Me...are those real?
→ Be unique and different, just say yes.
→ Can I flirt with you?
→ Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
→ Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.
→ Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
→ Umh, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
→ Darling, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.
→ I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!
→ I've got the ship, you've got the harbour ... what say we tie up for the night?
→ I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
→ If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?
→ Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
→ That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
→ Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
→ A hangover is the wrath of grapes
→ Everyone is entitled to my opinion
→ If it ain't chocolate, it ain't dessert
→ I don't work here. I'm a consultant
→ Out of Body. Back in Five Minutes
→ The best things in life aren't things
→ I like feminists; I think they're cute
→ I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable
→ Does killing time damage eternity?
→ How can there be self-help groups?
→ "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy
→ BIGAMIST --- A heavy fog in Italy
→ Have a nice day. . . somewhere else
→ Guilt -- the gift that keeps on giving
→ Exceptions always outnumber rules
→ Adults are just kids who owe money
→ All stressed out and no one to choke
→ Constipated people don't give a crap
→ I may not be perfect, but I'm all I got
→ Where there's a will, I want to be in it
→ Anything not nailed down is a cat toy
→ Never miss a good chance to shut up
→ All computers wait at the same speed
→ Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
→ How do you get off a non-stop flight?
→ How come night falls but day breaks?
→ How do I set the laser printer to stun?
→ If we quit voting will they all go away?
→ Is it time for your medication or mine?
→ INSTANT HUMAN (Just Add Coffee)
→ I'm not getting older...I'm getting bitter
→ When all else fails manipulate the data
→ I'm as confused as a termite in a yo-yo
→ Insanity is my only means of relaxation
→ No guts, no glory, no brain, same story
→ Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw
→ I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert
→ I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier
→ When money talks, the criminal walks
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